One of my dear friends titled me a "Brave Warrior Woman" on Facebook last night for being featured on the news, discussing why I started The Togetherness Project and our upcoming event in Phoenix.
I couldn't help but get a smirk on my face when I read the words "Brave Warrior Woman". I'm not sure if I'm deserving of such a robust and honorable title but, wow!, I'll take it :)
But in all seriousness, people, going on the news is scary.
I thought my nerves were going to paralyze me.
I wanted to back out.
I wanted to call the reporter and say "Thanks but no thanks! Sorry!"
I was ready to have an anxiety attack at any moment.
What if people don't like it?
What if they morph what I say into something that I didn't really say?
What if people say mean things?
What if I say something stupid?
What if I screw up?
The unknown of it all made me really, really, uncomfortable.
But at 10:00pm last night, I sat nervously on the couch, Seth by my side, and we waited for the quick story to air. I had sweaty taco armpits even before my clip came on. Eeeeeek. Me, my story, the project.... on the NEWS.
I was just flat out terrified.
It turned out okay and life kept on moving. One minute of exposure and it was over. Weird how the anxiety feelings went away as soon as it ended.
After the clip aired, people started posting the link on my Facebook page on commenting on a job well done. It was really thoughtful the things that were being said and it meant so much.
But as I processed it, I realized that I'm not necessarily "brave" per se..... I'm just speaking truth. And maybe that's where the bravery comes in? But really, what I am, and what I am doing is just saying it like it is. This is what happened, love it or hate it, this is MY story.
Sometimes we don't want to talk about the truth and it is incredibly hard be open about the things that hurt us (especially something as taboo and uncomfortable as sex addiction/porn addiction, betrayal). You fear of being labeled, judged, laughed at, criticized, mocked, challenged, whatever it may be. It is scary to allow people, people you don't know, into your life, into your heart, into the things that matter most to you.
But you guys, regardless of all those risks, I cannot NOT speak the truth. I cannot NOT try and help others with my story because that's the only way my story and what happened seems to make any sense. You can't make sense of the unexplainable, and so I HAVE to give some sort of sense.... and my sense is trying to help, unite and empower others.
Too many lives are being traumatized, too many families are being jeopardized, both men and women are getting caught in the addiction trap, and it is undeniably happening in more homes and relationships than we could ever fathom. Let's start TALKING more about the HARD and LESS about the froo freaking froo.
Let's talk about what REALLY matters, and what is really happening with our walls down and our vulnerability and compassion in gear.
I cannot tell you how many women I hear from. How many people have reached out spilling their heartbreaking/difficult realities that no one in their world knows of. Many people have said
"I've never told this to anyone before you."
And it's not all just addiction/betrayal. People are hurting for a myriad of different reasons and the HARD proves HARD to talk about openly (or at all really).
But as I watched the short clip last night, I came to this conclusion:
I am who I am today, because of what happened in my life.
It wasn't ideal.
It wasn't pretty.
But, because of those hellish and life altering experiences, something as beautiful as The Togetherness Project and the most amazing aspect of healing in my life-- Sisterhood-- were born.
Out of something that made me feel as weak, worthless, and hopeless as humanly possible, I have found something of great value: The Truth Shall Set You Free.
Hiding never does anyone ANY good. And so, here is my truth.
When I help others, I heal. I want to help give other women what I have been given because it has changed my life.
It's about moving onward and upward. Not in fear, or treading backward.
So my brave warrior women, speak truth.
p.s. "Fairy Tale Man" is Seth's NEW title I think. How hilarious is THAT!? haha!
(You can buy the above picture HERE)